Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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