youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
