____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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