You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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