Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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