I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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