What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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