I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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