I have demons in me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
