I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
