so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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