Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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