her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
