I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
