Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
