That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
