The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
