I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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