I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize