I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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