Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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