I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize