I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
