They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
