he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
