also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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