You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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