yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
