tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
