According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Still dying that you shit outside
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize