I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
