Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
