Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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