needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize