Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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