it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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