Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
