For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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