i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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