Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
