Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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