my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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