I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
