i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
