It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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