The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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