problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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