How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
