I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
