just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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