the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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