This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
