I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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