Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
