Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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