honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize