regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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