woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
