I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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