...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
