You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
