11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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