I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
