I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
