How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
