My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
