How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
