I puked a lego.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
