I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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