well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
