This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
