i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
