Only a mothe r could love this liver
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
