So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
