I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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