i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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