Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
