8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
