im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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