If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
