you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
