last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
