All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize