What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
