so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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