i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
