I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
