Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
