which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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