it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
