JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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