I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up under a house in Key West
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