I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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