their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
