Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Text me some of your sweat
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