i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
