You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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