Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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